Fabric of Life Read online

  It wasn’t until Gabe told them that he was leaving Emerald Hills that the strain of separation was too much for Josh. His pattern changed dramatically. Josh’s green and Thea’s orange took on a jagged pattern, with the sharp points getting bigger and stronger with each weave, like a choppy wave that swelled with time. A harsh, diamond pattern emerged, vivid with angry intensity. Josh must have been really mad at her, Thea thought. In his mind, she’d driven his father away. Soon after that, Josh’s green thread separated from all of the others. That was the year Josh went to college. His pattern was big and stormy, and tiny knots led to bigger ones. And then. . . everything smoothed out. Gabe’s work. All of the knots were gone.

  Thea understood. When Josh left for college, he was furious with her, and he needed that anger to help him sort things out. Instead, Gabe had taken those feelings away. Josh couldn’t point a finger. He had no one to blame. He didn’t know what to think. The only thing he knew was that he was unhappy, but he didn’t know why.

  Thea tried to weave further, but couldn’t. There was no bookmark pattern to enhance. Whatever happened next in Josh’s life was gone. She had no idea what it was, just that it worked, because when she looked past the smooth, bland years that Gabe had untangled, Josh’s threads showed that he returned home, a happy man.

  “But wait!” she whispered to herself, excitement zinging through her fingers. “There’s a new thread.”

  She bent closer to study the bookmark’s new mix of shades. She’d almost missed it, it was so subtle. A new, earth-brown thread was braided, almost as one, with Josh’s deep-green strand. She rarely saw anything like it. The two strands were woven together so tightly that they practically became one. She sat silently for a moment, deep in thought.

  That was it! Josh left home, angry with her. She had no idea if he found his soul mate at college, or if he dropped out of college and wandered until he found her somewhere else. But somehow, somewhere, Josh had found his perfect mate. And then he’d returned, happy and whole.

  Thea released Josh’s bookmark from her loom and let it drift to its home on a beam. She went to the window at the end of the loft and stared out at Emerald Hills. Dozens of brightly colored balloons drifted in the sky, blown here and there by the breeze. It was part of the closing ceremony of the parade. Red and blue balloons, yellow and green, orange and white zigged and zagged upward and away. Just like her bookmarks, Thea thought. She heard the distinctive sound of Gordon’s helicopter blades, circling the town to get a bird’s eye view of the festivities. Just like her—circling her son to give him space, to hope he’d find himself. But it wouldn’t happen, not unless he was pushed. How could she fix what Josh had missed? There had to be a way.

  Chapter 26

  She walked to Shari’s to retrieve her car, then drove to Nancy’s for the cookout.

  “How’s Barb?” Shari asked. “She refused to come with us, insisted on staying at the inn to hold down the fort.”

  “She’s weeding the flower beds,” Thea said. “Everything’s running like clockwork. Where are the kids?”

  “Where else? Down at the bridge, throwing rocks in the river,” Shari said. “Amy went with them, so they should be okay.”

  Amy was seventeen, Nancy’s oldest child and the only girl in the family. She had Nancy’s auburn hair and her dad’s green eyes. She was a tomboy, who could outclimb and outpound her three brothers, and she had the same foul mouth as her parents. Add to that a mind of her own, and she was a force to be reckoned with. Even Hannah listened to Amy.

  Thea relaxed in one of the reclining patio chairs on Nancy’s back deck. The restaurant was only two blocks away from the river. Emerald Hills was lucky, in that it had the river to border it on the west, and a stream that emptied into the river bordering it on the south and east. A ski-lake beckoned on the far, northeast edge of town, so not only were there all varieties of shops to draw tourists, there was a forest for camping and nature hikes and water for boating and fishing.

  Nancy’s restaurant was located in a long, rectangular building near the river, about four blocks from Shari’s inn. Its faded clapboards were stained to look like a weathered, New England shanty. The restaurant took up the entire first floor. Nancy and her family lived above it on the second and third floors. The stark, cement basement was packed with walk-in freezers and coolers. Its walls were lined with shelves and cupboards. Efficient and utilitarian. The backyard was a grassy oasis wedged between the restaurant and the garage at the back of the property. It was protected from prying, tourist’s eyes by a privacy fence.

  “I told the kids to be back by four,” Nancy said, plopping down to join them, “so they should be here soon. Amy has a watch.”

  Bart was manning the grill, a beer in one hand, a spatula in the other. “Hope you’re hungry,” he told the women. “Hank and I made enough hamburgers and hot dogs to feed an army.”

  Hank brought a glass of wine over for Thea. “You might as well catch up with the rest of us.”

  She sipped it and felt herself relax. It was a beautiful day. Dishes clattered in the restaurant, and Nancy looked up. “Gaston’s in his glory. He loves being in charge.”

  “You’re not worried?”

  “Not today. The special’s barbecued ribs and potato salad. We make those ahead, so he just throws the ribs on the grill and slathers them with sauce. No sweat.”

  Kids’ voices overpowered the noise from the restaurant. Thea recognized Hannah’s stern warning. “Leave him alone.”

  “Are you gonna make me?” Gavin shot back.

  “I am,” came Amy’s voice. “And you’ll be sorry if you piss me off.”

  A moment later, the gate opened that led to the alley, and the kids invaded the yard. Toby saw his mom and started running toward her. Gavin’s foot shot out, and Toby tumbled over it. Cynthia was out of her chair in a shot. Hannah spun around, and her fist connected with Gavin’s cheek.

  “What’d you do that for?” Gavin demanded.

  “I told you to leave him alone!”

  Nancy was pushing herself to her feet, too. “Gavin Leroy Bercon, get over here right now!”

  “He started it,” Gavin yelled.

  “How?” Nancy demanded, hands on hips.

  “I caught a frog, and Toby let it go.”

  “Because you were gonna torture it!” Hannah said.

  “I was gonna cut off its legs,” Gavin said. “Haven’t you ever heard of eating frogs’ legs before?”

  “First you kill them, stupid.” Hannah looked to Thea for confirmation, her eyes large and worried, pleading please tell me they kill them first.

  “Hey, this is just a love spat,” Bart said, wading between the angry kids. “Gavin got mad because Toby set his frog free, so he tripped him. Toby’s okay, and Gavin’s okay, even though Hannah belted him. No harm done.”

  Toby went to stand beside Hannah. Both of them glared at Gavin.

  Gavin shrugged. “I met Lucas at the bridge. He asked if I could spend the night at his house. Can I?”

  “Lucas is on your baseball team, right?” Bart asked.

  “Right.”

  “Sure, then you two can play a little catch,” Bart said.

  “You have to eat with us first,” Nancy ordered. “You have friends over. You don’t just walk out in the middle of things.”

  Bart nodded agreement. “I’ll drive you over after supper.”

  “Way to punish him,” Nancy said. “You’re an idiot.”

  “But an idiot who loves you.” Bart grinned.

  Nancy waved away his reply. “It’s a good thing you’re on the road so much, or we might not still be married.” She turned her back on him and led the others to the tables set up on the deck.

  Chapter 27

  Thea stayed to visit for an hour and a half before the get-together started to break up.

  “It’s been a long day,” Cynthia said. “I think Toby and I will go home and watch a movie. I’m ready to relax.”

  Nancy stifle
d a yawn. “Yeah, putting my feet up in front of the TV sounds pretty good tonight.”

  Thea and Hannah helped pick up paper plates and napkins and throw them away before leaving. On the drive home, Hannah said, “Gavin’s a big, stupid bully. He’s always trying to push everyone else around.”

  “He doesn’t push you, does he?”

  “Me?” Hannah blinked. The idea of someone pushing her had never occurred to her.

  “He’s a decent kid,” Thea said. “A little rough around the edges--he could use a few more manners, but he’ll grow up to be all right. Some boys go through periods when their muscles work better than their brains.”

  Hannah laughed. “Did Josh ever do that?”

  “No, not Josh, but I’m pretty sure Gabe did.”

  “Girls can be stupid, too,” Hannah said.

  “I guess so.”

  “Amy meets her boyfriend at the bridge every night, and they make out. It looks pretty disgusting.”

  “He was there today?” Thea asked.

  “Yeah, and he keeps grabbing her boobs.”

  Thea cringed. What had Hannah seen?

  “I told them to break it up, or I’d tell on them,” Hannah said. “The boyfriend doesn’t like me much, but who cares? Amy thought it was funny and told me that I’d change my mind when I got a little older.”

  Thea almost choked and covered it with a cough.

  “Are you okay?” Hannah asked.

  “Yeah, just my sinuses.” Thea tried to think of some brilliant, motherly words of wisdom, but nothing sprang to mind. “When you get interested in boys, let me know, will you?” is all she could manage. “And come to me instead of getting all the wrong information from your girlfriends.”

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “My mom’s a ghost, but she’s just dying to give me ‘the lecture.’” She thought about her choice of words, and started to laugh.

  When they pulled in the driveway, Thea was surprised to see Josh sitting on the steps to the deck. His hands were dangling between his knees, and he was staring off at nothing. Rachel’s car was parked under the overhang.

  “What’s Rachel doing here?” Hannah asked, tumbling out of the car and rushing past Josh.

  “She came to get the rest of her clothes to move to Annabel’s.” Josh didn’t sound happy about losing his sister.

  Hannah’s face scrunched into a frown, too. “She’s never coming back?”

  “It’s not like she’s moving far away,” Thea said. “She and Isak will be married soon. Married people don’t live with their mothers.”

  “I won’t see her as much,” Hannah complained.

  “But you’ll still see her a lot.” Thea looked up as Rachel pushed the screen door open and dragged four garbage bags full of clothes down the steps.

  “I don’t want you to go!” Hannah said.

  “Why not? This way, you can come to our place and spend the night with us on weekends. We’ll do something special.”

  Hannah stopped to consider that. Would the perks be better if Rachel stayed or left?

  “You like Isak. It’ll be like you have a new brother.”

  Josh’s face looked even gloomier.

  “Don’t tell me you’re going to make me feel guilty, too?” Rachel demanded.

  “No, I’m happy for you.” His words lacked conviction.

  “Hey, Mom, how about giving me a hand with loading these in the trunk?” Rachel asked.

  Hannah looked at how heavy the bags were and said, “I’m going inside.”

  When Thea and Rachel reached the car, Rachel kept her voice low and said, “Just thought you should know that Josh’s green aura is tinged with gray--dark thoughts--and sulfur--depression. We’ve gotta come up with something to make him feel better.”

  Thea told her about Josh’s bookmark, how he was supposed to get mad at her and leave for college, and possibly, meet his soul mate there.

  “How do you fix that?” Rachel asked.

  “I can only think of one thing to do, and nobody’s going to like it, especially me.”

  “What is it?”

  Thea loaded the bags into Rachel’s trunk and stalked back to Josh. “We need to talk.” She had to do it while she was feeling strong, or she’d talk herself out of it.

  Rachel followed behind her and looked so scared, Thea wouldn’t meet her eyes. Hannah sensed the tension and drifted out of the house to watch.

  “Josh, I did your life map as far as I could go,” Thea said.

  “And?” He looked only mildly interested.

  “When your dad left Emerald Hills, you were supposed to get so mad at me that you left, too. You needed to leave to find yourself. You found a wonderful girl in the bargain. You came home, married and happy.”

  He waited quietly to see what that meant.

  “I’m kicking you out,” Thea said. “You have to pack your bags, your tools, whatever you want to take with you, and you can’t come back for one year.” There, she’d said it. It was the right thing to do. She’d fall apart after he left.

  “Mom!” Hannah looked at her, horrified.

  Rachel blanched, but didn’t say anything.

  “You’re kicking me out?” Josh asked.

  “It’s for your own good.”

  “Right now?”

  “It should have been three years ago. You’re behind.”

  “What good will it do now?” he asked, hands balled into fists as he towered over her. “You always talk about windows of opportunity. Mine’s got to be closed by now.”

  “You’ll have to find another one.”

  “Haven’t I been through enough?” he yelled. “Do you have to make it worse? Dad just died.”

  “That makes it perfect timing. You could go to Arizona, to where your dad lived, and close out all of his stuff. If you like it there, stay. If you don’t, go visit David and Muriel in California.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “I don’t care. I’m not asking you. I’m telling you.”

  “You can’t make me leave,” he said.

  “I can make you leave this house. And I’m going to. Pack up and get out.”

  “Stop it!” Hannah cried. “Leave him alone.”

  “I can’t,” Thea said.

  “I hate you!” Hannah screamed.

  Thea nodded and braced herself. “You probably do right now. So does Josh. But that doesn’t change things. He has to go.”

  Without another word, Josh reeled on his heel and stomped into the house. “There’s no guarantee I’m coming back this time!” he yelled over his shoulder.

  Thea sighed. There were no guarantees this would work, at all. But she had to try something. Josh wasn’t finding any direction on his own.

  Chapter 28

  Hannah wouldn’t talk to Thea for the rest of the night. She stayed with Josh and helped him pack. Thea was relieved. It was hard enough, sending Josh away. She didn’t think she could handle it if Hannah cried or begged.

  Rachel went between the two. “You’re getting really bashed,” she told her mom. “There’s never been a meaner person on the face of this earth.”

  Thea’s shoulders slumped.

  “Hang in there,” Rachel said, patting her on the back. “I can’t be too nice to you, though, or I’ll be banned as a traitor by Hannah.”

  After Josh loaded his pickup with his clothes and the tools he used most for carving, he came to say goodbye. “How am I going to get by?” he demanded. “What am I supposed to do?”

  Thea handed him a thick wad of money.

  “What’s this?”

  “Every time you sold a carving, I put the money in the safe in the studio. I didn’t have to worry about it. No one can go in or out except ghosts or people that are with me. There’s enough to give you a good start.”

  He flipped through the bills. “I didn’t sell this much.”

  “I put in the money for your second year of college, too. It was always intended for you. You might as well use it now.”

&
nbsp; He looked down at his feet. When he spoke, his voice was strained. “What should I do?”

  “Go to Arizona, close up your dad’s shop there. Travel anywhere that strikes your fancy. Work your way across the country until you find what you missed.”

  “Mom. . . “ He reached for her.

  Her voice caught. “This is going to be harder on me than it is on you.”

  “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

  “Positive.”

  He hugged her close. “I know you’re trying to do what’s best for me, but it hurts like hell.”

  Tears rolled down her cheeks. “You have to go, or I’m going to cave in, and that wouldn’t be fair to you. Get out of here. Go.”

  “I love you,” he said.

  “No, you need to be mad at me.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. Get out of here. Now.”

  He turned to Rachel and gave her a hug. When he reached for Hannah, she pushed him away.

  “I hate you all!” she cried.

  Rachel followed Josh to his Jeep, and they both left. Thea watched their tail lights wind down the driveway, onto the road, and away from town. Her heart hurt. Her eyes burned. And her stomach felt sick. And she was a grown-up. What must Hannah be feeling now? Thea went inside the house to Hannah’s room to try to calm her.

  “I don’t want to see you. You’re awful. Leave me alone.”

  What else could she expect? She climbed the stairs and poured herself a glass of wine, then carried it out to the deck to stare at the night-time sky. You’re wallowing in your misery, she told herself. So what? The stars were too high, the moon too pale. She felt alone. Then she realized that Cynthia must feel the same way with every major decision she made. So must every single mother. She thought of Nancy. She had Bart, but he usually worked against her. Still, there was a spark there. A love/hate thing that weighed in on the side of love.